Current mood:	thoughtful
Current music:	ingrid michaelson - you and i

suddenly everything has changed
wow. where do i even begin.

i have learned so much about myself since i last posted here, i feel like this used to be someone else's journal. and it turns out i was wrong about a lot of things. and i find myself feeling flooded with so many emotions. and i'm not going to lie, it's all because of this totally unexpected but indescribably satisfying  relationship i've managed to get into. people joke about my feelings for her, and about how fast we got into this relationship... but i have felt more in the past couple months than i ever knew i could. and taking a step back and looking at the relationship i have now makes me feel even more.

it's a crazy cocktail of emotions... i feel happy, of course. i'm more than that, i'm elated, ecstatic, thrilled. and at the same i feel relieved... though i didn't even realize i needed relief. though that leaves me feeling guilty. guilty about my last relationship, guilty that i didn't really give of myself as i am now. i thought i didn't love her because i couldn't love.. but i was wrong. and i'm sorry. i realize that the past has shaped who i am now, and had it not been for everything i've gone though, maybe things wouldn't be working out like they are now.. but still.

and without a doubt, i want this relationship with angela to last. but if for whatever reason should it not, i know in my heart that i am so much better off now than i was before... no matter what comes in the future. and i now have such a better idea of what i truly want and need in a partner. i've experienced some relationships without enough substance, others without enough chemistry. and now i am finally building one with more than enough of both.